Random Thinking

I'm 29, I have cancer

I've don't know where my life will take me next, but I feel like I have way to many distractions around me. I have lost myself and the want for this world to have me. I go through my daily routines and I loose myself in them. My head is no longer clear, my thoughts are tangled, I don't form complete thought patterns, and I've grown to not like who I am.

People around me seem to have things planned out better then me. They seem to be able to do it all. I'm jealous of the lives my friends lead, I'm stuck in a spinning wheel.

How does one even start to find themselves after a chunk of their body has been cut into and removed? Where do I begin?

Sophia Vergara and Thyroid Cancer

So I have been sort of diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer, they can't really say what it is till they open me up and test the mass inside me, but to add a cherry to the whole process they think the cancer has spread into my lymph nodes. I had a ultrasound mapping done and there are two that are larger then the rest and they are right near the mass.

So far I have seen 3 doctors and omitted 1. One doctor is in NJ near my house and one is in NYC. How does one choose a surgeon? Yes you need to trust him, but how do you know what he is really telling you will happen? Anything can happen on that bed...

I want to close my eyes and this never happened to me. I am so overwhelmed with dealing with this, seeing doctors, having tests done, and working.

I read that Sophia Vergara from Modern Family had Thyroid Cancer in 2008, I guess she had plastic surgery to hide her scar. Because she is the new Pepsi spokeswoman she has a huge billboard up in Times Square. I took a picture of it and started to cry as I walked away. She is now my inspiration, she survived and now look at her, endorsements and TV shows out the wazoo. I don't necessarily want all that, but I do what to achieve my dreams and inspire others. I want to mean something in this life. I was to feel like I am on a billboard every day.

Positive imaging

I am walking up a street in NYC, coming from somewhere relaxing. There is a slight chill in the air so I'm bundled up but it's not over powering. I have a smile on my face and I'm thinking about my week to come, meetings, one on one conversations fashion, beauty, generosity are all being thrown my way. That smile is to show my world that I am open and letting all of this into my life. I worked hard to get to where I am and I'm happy. There is money in the bank Nd my name on a letterhead. My world is filled with caring people who defy the typical NYC image. They care and act kindly towards others. They inspire me everyday.

My job is one to inspire others through beauty and care.